Weekends in the hospital are quiet. Rounds are later with smaller groups, specialists typically don’t stop by, and (in my experience) not much changes in the game plan. My day today consists of feeding every three hours, working on some photos I took when she came home from the NICU the first time, and trying to take naps. I honestly don’t get much sleep, but at least I am eating a little better this time around.

Sometimes it is frustrating to be here.  While I know that she is getting good care, I feel like I am kept from caring for my daughter sometimes. Feeding is a great example. Lyra only eats breast milk that I pump. At home I am the one who prepares everything. Here, I am dependent on waiting for the nurse to get my milk out a freezer and warm it up for me. If the nurse is busy, her feeding gets delayed. I get that nurses are taking care of more than one child, so sometimes things get pushed. But, I am just taking care of one child. Mine. If I could just warm up her bottle myself, it would make things a lot easier for all of us and make me feel like more of a parent. Also, I wish I knew where the supplies were for me. I have to put my milk in special bottles, but I produce a lot and go through them very quickly. I frequently have to ask the staff 2-3 times for new ones before someone remembers to bring them. I get why they don’t let anyone grab them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish that I could do it.

For right now, all I that can do is keep myself distracted, play with her when she is awake, and wait for the next feeding.