Tonight is the 14th night. I have mixed emotions and I am also emotionally drained. I am not sure how that works, but there it is.

So, how is Lyra doing? She is doing okay. We have gotten her to a point where she can tolerate enough formula to stay hydrated (yay!). However, the calorie count remains elusive. We are making progress though. She is now on a formula mix that gives her 23 calories/oz. We need to get her up to 24 calories/oz. That little tiny change may not seem like much, but for Lyra it seems like the difference between drinking skim milk or heavy cream. The process of building her up is agonizingly slow. In the past they have let us go home to build things up on our own, but they don’t want to do that this time. This time they feel like she needs to prove herself. To be honest, we don’t want to take her home unless she really can tolerate things.

I am hopeful we will be home by Wednesday, but there are no guarantees.

There are many things I miss being in the hospital. Tonight I missed celebrating my niece’s birthday. I miss sleeping in a bed that I don’t have to refill every few hours. I miss sharing a bed with my husband. I miss my dog. I miss playing on the floor with Lyra. I miss cooking dinner. I MISS BATHS!!! I miss going to walks and just doing normal daily stuff.

But I have found joy in some things that have happened while we have been here.

Lyra has started to babble. This is a major milestone for her and yesterday she said MAMA. Well, it was more like, “mamamamamamamama,” and she kind of sounded like a robotic frog when I recorded it… but she said it! The babbling is really fun and cute. I get that she is late doing it, but I don’t care. Also, Lyra celebrated her first Easter. While some might think it is sad that she celebrated it in the hospital, it was really a super nice day. My family came out to the hospital and brought a great dinner. We got to celebrate it together and Lyra got to wear a cute dress. She didn’t even puke on it!

It was a very special and happy holiday, and I am grateful to have such a wonderful family.

So, things aren’t perfect. We may, or may not, go home on Wednesday. But right now Lyra is sleeping, and I should follow suit. Tomorrow will be another day of emotional ups and downs and need all of the rest I can get.

Easter Dinner wore her out