I think all parents look back at choices they have made regarding their children and ask themselves, “did I make the right decision?” It can be little day to day things, or big life changing things. I believe we question it all, especially when there are unintended consequences.
For my husband and I, we are frequently making medical decisions. While we do this along with an extensive care team of experts, the final decision is in our hands. Sometimes it’s a no brainer: If we don’t do this, she will die. I am traumatized by the dozens upon dozens of times I have had to hold her down for an IV to be placed while she screamed and cried in fear and pain. Do I regret any of those IV’s? Absolutely not. But it sucked and I did my best not to cry right along with her.
Sometimes our decisions are more elective. The “this MIGHT help her” decisions. In many ways these are the harder ones to make. When things don’t go well (don’t get me started on probiotics and Lyra) there can be an overwhelming feeling of guilt. We didn’t have to put her through whatever the consequences were. I can’t tell you how many medications and supliments we have tried (again in coordination with her care team) that have either not helped, or have made things worse.
The most recent decision we made was to have her adenoids removed. Why we decided to remove them is between us and her doctors, but suffice to say it wasn’t a life-or-death situation. Needless to say, things didn’t go as planned. The surgery went smoothly and we were even able to go home the same day (a HUGE deal). She did great for the first 2 days… then the shit hit the fan. It’s now a week and a half post op and she is still struggling. She is having trouble tolerating feeds, not sleeping well, and is generally miserable. For awhile she was also running a low level fever, but that at least is gone. On top of the surgery, she had two new teeth rupture AND it appears she caught a cold like virus. I feel like all she does is whine and cry. My poor baby is miserable and spends hours curled in my lap watching Disney movies. Normally she won’t sit still. I swear the only time she is happy is swimming in Grandpa’s pool.
The worst part is, she didn’t HAVE to have the surgery. We could have waited longer. We chose to do it in an attempt to relieve some symptoms where we had exhausted all non-surgical options. Were they life threatening? No. Did they greatly impact her quality of life? Yes. So, we wanted to make it better. Having her adenoids removed was our last option.
Will it help?
I sure as hell hope so, because the level of guilt I am feeling right now is almost overwhelming . As I rock my baby to sleep, hooked up to a pedialyte drip because she threw up so much today, I pray to whatever god may (or may not) be out there that I made the right choice. I hope that in the long run this will make her life better. Poor kiddo. This was supposed to be the easy surgery.