Sometimes, I don’t want to talk about it

Sometimes, I don’t want to talk about it

It’s been months since I have written, and a lot has happened in those few months.  It started with general writers block, than my life just got a little crazy.  And frankly, I didn’t want to talk about it.  Normally I am very much an open book about my life, and life with Lyra.  I have been willing to share my world, even when things have been ugly, and sad, and scary.  The past few months have been different.  I’ve needed some time off.  However, there are a few topics that I would like to share my thoughts on, and I couldn’t really address them without addressing my extended absence.

So, things that have happened since my last post:

 LYRA TURNED 3!

The great thing about this was how uneventful it was.  Between her second and third birthdays, she had a great (and stable) year.  It was really nice.  We also got to have her first birthday celebration in the backyard of our new house.  It was a lovely moment, and there just wasn’t much to share about it.

I’m Pregnant

I found out I am pregnant the day before Mother’s day.  The hubs and I are very excited, but it’s a little scary for us.  Needless to say, things didn’t go to plan last time.  So, we’ve been a little quiet about the pregnancy this time around. Also, I was VERY sick (I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum) for the few months of my pregnancy. Think morning sickness….. on steroids.  While medication and an IV with fluids made a huge difference, I was exhausted and lost weight.  I am doing much better now, and all scans on baby boy have been good so far.

Lyra almost died

This is the part that really threw us for a loop and caused me to really pull away from social media, and general communication.  I rounded up the wagons of those people who I needed most, and had to focus on my daughter.  For those of you who weren’t in the loop, here is what happened:

On July 12th Lyra started throwing up.  Not all that uncommon, but it was enough that I knew that I needed to take her to the ER for some IV fluids and IV medication.  Sometimes those two things are enough to stop the vomiting and let her come home.  This time, it was not enough.  She popped positive for a UTI (not her first) and we started antibiotics.  No big deal.  We figured we would be admitted for about 24 hours, and then we’d go home.

She wasn’t getting better on the 13th.  Still, no need to panic.  Sometimes antibiotics need 48 hours to really make an impact.  We’d be home soon enough.

Then I woke up at 6am to change Lyra’s diaper on the July 14th and something was very wrong.  Lyra’s stomach had ballooned and her coloring looked awful.  She was rushed into scans and it was determined she had a bowel obstruction.  They warned us before she went into surgery that things would likely get worse, and she may lose part of her bowel.  I don’t think I really listened to them.  Surgery went well, and the bowel was still alive.  However, it had ruptured and fecal matter had leaked into her abdominal cavity.  Also, she was so sick by the time surgery started that she had a rough time coming out of it.  Her kidneys had shut down.  She had to be on a ventilator in order to breath.  Her blood pressure kept crashing for the first few hours.

This was only the beginning.

In the weeks that followed, Lyra had one complication after another and we spent a large amount of our time in the PICU.  She had multiple infections, her lungs took awhile to recover, she wasn’t responding normally to certain types of medications, IV access was a challenge, and her bowels wouldn’t wake up.  It was the worst summer of my life.

But we got to take her home.

_________________________

So here we are.  It’s now October.  Lyra is stable and has started school, my belly is growing every day, and I am ready to talk about things again.  I’ll be honest, I probably won’t want to talk about this summer still.  It’s not that I pretend it didn’t happen.  I have not pushed my feelings about it into a corner and hidden them away.  I just…. don’t want to talk about it.  I need to move forward.  And, hopefully, I will be able to sit down and write about the other topics I have brewing in my head.

IMG_1533
Lyra and her cousin in the pumpkin patch

2 thoughts on “Sometimes, I don’t want to talk about it

  1. Nice to read what has happened in your life and other close by. Life can be really really hard at times and you have experienced the worse. It was fun seeing you and meeting Lyra. You are all wonderful. Keep up the writings when the mood hits.
    OO’s, Ann

    Like

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