Before Lyra was born, I played the “what if….” game a lot.
“What if I didn’t hear her cry when she was born?”
“What if she ends up in the NICU?”
“What if I can’t breastfeed?”
“What if she is not okay?”
I continued to play the game after she was born, between her hospital stays: “What if she stops eating again?” etc.
Well, most of things I thought of playing the “what if….” game happened. She didn’t cry when she was born, she spent time in two NICUs, she never was able to breastfeed, for awhile she wasn’t okay, and she did basically stop eating twice.
So, what did I learn?
I learned two things. The first thing that I learned is the answer to all of these questions: I will but on my big girl pants and deal with it. Her not really breathing at birth was scary, but the doctors and nurses took care of her. The NICU really wasn’t that scary of a place. In fact, the second time around I was able to get some sleep while she was in the NICU because I knew that she would be okay. And when she stopped eating the second time, I bundled her up and took her back to the hospital where we figured things out.
The second thing that I learned is that playing the “what if….” game gets you nowhere. Now, it is good to be prepared for things, but you never know what life is going to hand you. If you keep worrying about what might happen, you may not deal with (or enjoy) what is right in front of you. I could keep playing this game with Lyra now that we have a diagnosis: “What if she can’t walk?”, “What if she has trouble speaking?”, “What if she can’t go to a regular school?”. I know now that this is a waste of my time and energy. The answer is “we will deal with it”. Plus, it takes focus away from everything she is doing now.
Lyra started smiling very early and recently has started to giggle a little (mostly at herself). She is learning to sit up and is developing really good head control for her age. She plays and recognizes my voice/face. Plus, she is getting better (slowly but surely) at eating. So for now, I am enjoying what she does do, and I will deal with whatever comes next.